JA Missives

I recently added a new routine to our east bay commute, spending idle time in my car these days listening to books. With my children it started with My Father’ s Dragon, and now The Lightning Thief: a childhood favorite of mine and a recent obsession of my daughter’s, respectively.

For my alone time, I’ve been listening to Andrew Soloman read from his monumental book Far from the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity. Dyslexic and gay, Andrew Solomon shares his own story, and those of many others, exploring the juxtaposition of identity versus illness. He tells moving stories of families who have experienced struggles with ‘difference’ in their children in diverse ways, some resonant, some abhorrent, all important and transforming. It’s an epic journey into the lives of exceptional people, delving deeply into downs syndrome, deaf culture, autism, disability, dwarfism, transgender, schizophrenia, criminals, and prodigy.

This wide ranging book is with me every day. Through the lens of moving and sometimes extreme stories, it challenges me to think about parenting, and difference in new ways, “Difference unites us. While each of these experiences can isolate those who are affected, together they compose an aggregate of millions whose struggles connect them profoundly. The exceptional is ubiquitous; to be entirely typical is the rare and lonely state.” He also engages me to think about parenting. Our children transform us all the time, one day we think they are just like us and we beam with pride and recognition. Then they become themselves, challenging our notions of identity, forcing us to love without limits, and asking for our help to find their way. It is heartwrenching and wonderful work raising children, parenting turns us inside out.

The book is a work of compassion beyond my expectation. Schools everywhere constantly tackle the broad topic of Diversity-in faculty meetings, with speakers, readings among colleagues, to build on our experiences with an often tossed around word; we’re driven to shape courageous conversations as educators, not trite, but deeply searching-we are not afraid of having hard conversations. We know we learn more, and better, when we are surrounded by people who think differently than we do, and diversifying our community is a long held value. We are constructivists, after all, making new meaning for ourselves by building on collaborative experiences with a variety of people is how we learn. For me, reading Soloman’s book has been the perfect place to begin our year together. 2013